Advice from a Seminarian: Embrace the Unknown

I began my seminary journey at Wesley in the spring semester of 2015. Upon pulling into the driveway, and unpacking my bags in room 205B of NRH, I laid my items out with a confident mindset fixated on me becoming a pastor upon completing my studies at Wesley. I was always a person who prided myself in knowing where my next steps in life were, and it wasn’t until my journey at Wesley that I found comfort in that which I once feared, the unknown.

More often than not when people see you share ministerial gifts of any sort, they immediately think, “HEY YOU! Yeah, you, holding the Bible, praying, holding the bread and/or cup… you should be a pastor!”

Unfortunately, many of us tend to go along with the ideas that others possess on who we are and what we are called to be. Well, to make a long story short, allowing others to dictate my seminary journey at its start lead to my first year demise. I will not go into full detail, but know that my first year wasn’t the easiest of my life’s journey thus far. Not only was I certain in my heart during this season that I was not called to ordained ministry, but I also had a grandmother back home who, at that time, was dealing with serious health concerns. It seemed my once solid world was falling apart and I felt there wasn’t any way that I could weld it back together. I spent many nights praying and lamenting, ridden with confusion and frustration. I often thought, “What am I doing here?”, “What will I do next?”, and, the most frequent of these questions, “What now?” All of my life up until seminary, I had an answer for what lay ahead. For once in my life, when it came to my call and my next steps, I had no clue.

As humans, we are inclined to lean toward fear of that which we cannot fully comprehend. In short, the unknown terrifies us. However, the not-knowing aspect of life is beautiful because it is filled with possibility and the opportunity to explore. If you’re like me, you may feel the need to always know, and when you don’t know you feel as if God has abandoned or forgotten about you (which feels dramatic, I know). To this I say: Embrace the unknown! Though you are in school with others, your seminary journey is your own. Embrace that. If your path isn’t one hundred percent clear, take comfort in knowing that one day it will be, and take that time in the in-between space to reflect and learn more about yourself.

The beauty about seminary is that it isn’t a race or a competition. You are a part of a collective body of people, who like yourself, came to this place to learn, grow, and gain more understanding. A huge percentage of that understanding and learning will be about yourself! When I decided to let go of who I felt I was supposed to be, who others wanted me to be, who I thought I should be, and embraced the in-between space that was/is my self-discovery, my world changed for the better.

When you feel unsure, uncertain, lost, and unclear, embrace that. Do not run from it. Seek God’s face in the midst of your learning and take time to reflect on what you are experiencing. Let go of how you envisioned things to be and recognize them for what they are in your seminary journey. You will be frustrated, you will cry, you will moan and groan and maybe even ache from the inside out, but in the end you will rejoice in having learned what it was all for. Embrace the unknown component of the journey, for it is the space in which we will reach heights and understandings about God, ourselves, and one that we’ve never seen before. Though I’ve completed four years of study here at Wesley and I’m still wrestling with my call, one day, like you, I too will rejoice in knowing what it was all about!

Elijah Ferebee is a part of the Admissions Recruitment team and a graduating seminarian at Wesley. 

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